Last Post of 2006

"It's been a long December and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last."
~Counting Crows, "A Long December"

It's December 31, 2006. This time last year I was claiming 2006 as "The Year of Clarity." It's funny what hindsight will teach you.

If I could have known what was to come, I probably would have claimed 2006 as "The Year of the Rollercoaster." But I didn't know. I guess we never really do. And that's the amazing thing. I look back now and think of the uncertainty, doubt, frustration, joy, hopefulness, restlessness, sadness, elation, and all the other things that I experienced in 2006 and I just think, "wow." I don't think there's ever been a time in my life when I've been more up and down. I questioned when the "year of clarity" would actually begin and just like the people who wandered in the desert so long ago, I continued wandering...often missing the clarity and provision in each new day. Boy, I have a lot to learn!

Now I find myself on the cusp of 2007 and I finally feel as though I've gained some clarity. And when I say "clarity" I don't mean: this is what your life is going to look like until you take your last breath. But "clarity" in the sense that, I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be...no matter what rollercoasters I have to ride.

Of course my mind races to my new work...life in this place...personal growth, etc. and I'm struck with the fact that I'm definitely in over my head. Then again, maybe that's all the clarity I need?

So thank you, Father, for "The Year of Wandering" in 2005 and "The Year of Clarity" in 2006.

"What will this year's theme be?," you ask. Oh, I'm not really sure. But there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.

Happy 2007!!!

You know you are getting old when...

You can predict rain by the pain in your knee.

It happened to me. Yesterday. In the morning I told the girls that my knee was hurting and that it was going to rain. By about 8pm last night, the rain had begun to fall.

Maybe I should go into meteorology?

PS--Bearded: I think I have you beat on this one.

Eid Mubarak!

So this is me and what I typically (OK, always) look like in the reflection of my front door. (Yes, our house is basically mirrors.) Now, what wasn't typical about today was what I saw upon opening my front gate to leave. This...

2 Cows

So today marks the first day of Eid-e QorbAn (The Festival of Sacrifice).

According to research, Eid-e QorbAn is the most important holiday of the Muslim calendar. It marks the end of the Hajj or Pilgrimmage to Mecca. This Eid lasts for three days and commemorates Ibraham's (Abraham) willingness to obey God by sacrificing his son. Muslims believe the son to be Ishmael rather than Isaac as told in the Old Testament. Ishmael is considered the forefather of the Arabs. According to the Koran, Ibrahim was about to sacrifice his son when a voice from heaven stopped him and allowed him to sacrifice a ram instead.

The feast re-enacts Ibrahim's obedience by sacrificing a cow or ram...and I even saw a poor camel that was probably going to be sent to the slaughter. It's a sad day for these animals. They have no idea what's to come.

So, as I sit here freezing in the cold, silence of the office, my mind is drawn to these sacrifices...and mainly to the sacrifice that was made for me so long ago. Gratitude overwhelms me.

The next few days will be filled with visiting our national staff...drinking lots of tea...and also celebrating our western New Year. There is much to take in at this time.

So wherever this finds you...I wish you the very best in 2007. Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas everyone!

It's after midnight here in CA, so it's officially December 25th. I'm back in Ktown for a few days to celebrate the holiday and my friend H's 30th birthday (also on the 25th). It's been snowing heavily here for the past 12 hours and it doesn't look like it's going to be letting up anytime soon. (And to think one of my biggest disappointments about leaving the States was due to the fact that I hadn't seen any snow!)

So, no dreaming here...it's definitely a White Christmas! I think we may even try to go sledding. :) Whoot Whoot!! (Have I mentioned how much I love snow before?)

Well, I should head to bed. Santa won't come if we don't go to sleep. I have plenty to share about the last couple days and will probably add to that tomorrow.

I miss everyone there and hope that your holiday is filled with much love, joy, and celebration of Our King.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all...a good night.

Proverb #1: Yak roz dIdI dost, dega roz dIdI brAdar.

(Translation: The first day we meet we are friends, the next day we are brothers.)

I first met “Hannah” when I visited the Ancient City in February. She was (and is) the cook at the office. If I were to guess her age, I would say she’s in her early 40’s. However, I’m also aware of how life in this place takes its toll on the appearance of a person so I really can’t be all that certain. Hannah hails from the capital city and is a welcomed blessing when it comes to speaking the local language…as that’s the accent and vocabulary with which I’m the most familiar up to this point. Still…I have a long way to go before I reach the level she “believes” me to be. But bless her heart, she has a sweet spirit and as the proverb above states, after just a few weeks here, she has welcomed me in as her “sister.”

Today I was the last to finish eating lunch (no surprise) and everyone else seemed to have work they needed to rush off and accomplish. That left Hannah and myself alone to converse. It didn’t take but a minute before this sweet lady began to tell me a story. A story that lasted for about 30 minutes. A story about her family…her hardships. A story questioning God’s presence in the midst of these trials. “She’s not getting any younger,” she said. “If God is supposed to be helping, then ‘When?’” Tears were streaming down her face and before long, they were streaming down mine as well.

It’s interesting...this place. It doesn’t take much for a woman to cry. I’ve seen it many times. Whether it be from a burqa-clad beggar on the street asking for medicine money or from my neighbor sharing about the struggle of her day. Here, those tears being shed are her honor. It’s such a contrast to our western/American mindset. Just this week one of my female friends from the States said, “Crying is a sign of weakness.” Hmmm. At its core I disagree with that last statement. But I have to confess, there’s still a part of me that wrestles with its cultural ramifications. For I am one female that finds it difficult to cry. Especially in front of other people. But not today. Today was different.

Today my heart broke for Hannah. Today the tears flowed freely as I tried, with my limited language skills, to comfort her…to tell her not to give up. Today there is hope. While God may not take away hardships…He’s there in the midst of them. After all, His name is Immanuel.

For me it comes down to another lesson in vulnerability.

Vulnerability. God’s been teaching me a lot about it this past year and I’m guessing He’s not finished. Through trials and triumphs, conversations and conflict…allowing myself to be vulnerable is hard. I may get hurt. I may get bruised. I may get laughed at. I may get…hey wait! I may get another opportunity to be like the One who left everything to become one of us.

Vulnerability. There’s nothing more vulnerable than a baby, right?

“So the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” -Jn. 1:14

“While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” -Lk. 2:6,7

Vulnerability. Tears. Risk. Emotion. Sacrifice.
Learning. Compassion. Love.

These are the words He is speaking to me today. This is the life He is calling me to pursue. May His presence fill us, and them, as the tears fall and the laughter resounds.

He is here. Immanuel. God with us.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

It’s 9pm and I’m already snuggled into bed. My head is a bit fuzzy this evening. I’m not sure if it is due to language study this afternoon or the propane gas fumes which are filling my house this evening. Perhaps it’s a combination of both? Either way, I’m feeling “off.”

Right now the voices of men fill the air, kids are yelling down the alleyway, Persian music is muffled in the distance and dishes clank in the background. The neighbors threw a party this evening.

Currently things seem to be winding down next door (at least that’s what I’m hoping is taking place). At this point in time, it’s probably a pretty good assumption that I wasn’t invited to said party. I have to admit, though, that part of me is tempted just to walk over there and see what’s going on. But since this is CA (and the Ancient City, at that), and the party may very well consist of only men, I think I’ll just enjoy the festivities from the comfort of my own room. I’m pretty sure there will be other days for parties…ones to which I’m actually invited. Until then, may the sugar plum fairies dancing in my head lead me softly and sweetly into my dreams.

Good night, World. Good night.

Even though I know that these temps are in Celsius, there's still something about seeing "3 degrees" that just makes me feel colder. Why did I not learn the metric system???

Sunday, Dec 17

More Details/AccuPop™

Sunshine and patchy clouds. Winds from the NNE at 46 km/h.

Realfeel®: 3 °C

High: 11 °C

One may wonder what there is to do for fun in this place after dark. Typically, that answer would be: Stay inside and keep warm with your housemates. Maybe watch a movie. Maybe read. Usually go to bed early.

However last night's answer read like this:

1. Invite all the singles over for naan pizza.
2. Chill out to some good music, good food, & good conversation.
3. Answer the door to hear the same singles who just left your house, singing "We Wish You A Merry Xmas" and holding a plate of frosted Christmas cookies.
4. Decide that we are going to collectively "don our gay apparel" (i.e. the long black sheet-like capes we wear on a daily basis) and head to our other foreigner friends' homes for caroling and the spreading of holiday cheer.
5. On more than one occasion, realize just how "odd" and comforting this feels, and that by spreading "cheer" to others, you've somehow just brightened your own spirit as well.

Even though I'd like to think of myself as a pacifist, this morning I was ready to kill.

Not a person, of course, but a rooster that has randomly joined our neighborhood. I've been here almost a week now, and I've never once heard it before today. My guess is that it came in on a flight from the States and is extremely unhappy about jetlag, seeing as how it's been making obscene sounds since about 4:30am!!!

Really I have no idea what it's problem is. All I know is that, lucky for "it," everyone here lives behind gigantic concrete walls and I have no way of accessing that foul creature.

Home Sweet Home...

As I type, the warmth from the afternoon sun is against my back. We just finished a yummy lunch of beans, chickpeas, yogurt, and pasta shells here at the office. My laundry is finished and hanging on our rooftop to dry. And H & I are already half-way finished with preparations for tonight's team dinner. (We are making a breakfast casserole with homemade sausage, my "wicked" french toast, a fruit salad, and homemade hot chocolate. Mmm!)

It feels good to be here and to be able to settle in a bit. A girl's got to have her place to nest.

And speaking of nesting....I think I may be a bit too in love with my computer. I know that the cold can be hard on the battery life and I can already tell that it's affecting mine. It makes me sad and I really don't want to have to buy another one by spring. But the truth is, I really don't have much of a choice here. My room is a balmy 45 degrees when I get up in the morning and it doesn't get much higher than 50 in the heat of the day. So what's a girl to do?

CONFESSIONAL: For the past 2 nights I decided that I would try to keep my computer warm....by putting it in bed with me. (I'm staying in the home of a couple who are out of the country, so I have this queen bed and there's plenty of room!) Last night I even filled up two hot water bottles--one for my feet and the other for my side. I kept the one by my side in between me and the computer and I'm pretty sure "Mac" was happy. The battery seems to be lasting longer already!

I know, I know...I've obviously lost my mind and this probably is a for sure sign that I need to get a husband before I go completely insane. But for now, I can't think of a better plan. Can you?

Fire & Feces

• Taxi ride across town=120 afs
• Pumpkin Soup at the French Restaurant=250 afs
• Coffee to warm up from the freezing temps=100 afs
• Falling into frozen feces up to my knees=PRICELESS

So I'm still here in Ktown. (We're hopeful that we may get out tomorrow, but there are no guarantees.) Today has been an interesting day to say the least. It started out at 6:30am...freezing cold in our room. The gas for our heater was empty and there was no way to warm up. I quickly got dressed and made sure my things were all packed up (just in case we were to leave). We ate breakfast and began the wonderful routine of calling the airlines every 30 minutes in hopes of an answer. At about 8:30am this morning we were told there would be no flight today. (Lucky for us, that was about 3 hours earlier than usual.)

We decided to head over to the coffeeshop, knowing it would be warm and in an hour or so we would be able to check email. Much to our chagrin, upon arrival we discovered that the fire in our favorite wood stove had not yet been lit. I decided to take it upon myself to start that baby. Well...that was until the cleaning lady saw me take out her MASSIVE piece of wood (along with a large number of other pieces of wood). She quickly came running over, yelling at me for taking out her wood...what am I doing...I'm not from here...I don't know how to light a fire...and other things of the sort. I tried telling her that she needed to start with the smaller wood and work her way up, but she was quick to prove me wrong. AND...after about 5 trees worth of cardboard...she did just that. The funniest part of the whole thing, was that after the fire was going, the lady tried telling me to put my hand in the fire...and then she grabbed my hand and tried to FORCE it into the fire...proving that I'm not accustomed to such a task. H, S (one of the workers) and myself tried to maintain our composure as I fought to keep my hand from being burnt. I sooo wish you all could have seen it!

And as if that weren't enough....

At about 11:30am, H and I headed into the city. Upon arrival to our destination, I got out of the taxi and within two steps I had come face to face with my greatest fear in this country. NO, it's not a suicide bomber. NO, it's not a landmine. NO, it's not a plane crash. And NO, it's not getting worms (I've already had those).

My greatest fear in this country is falling into the ditch (which, in this language, is called a "jew-EE") and is usually filled with raw sewage and trash.

YEP...within two steps from the taxi, I had fallen into one of the deepest "jew-ee's" in the city. It was covered in ice and dirt and with first glance, looked completely full. WRONG! I was knee-deep in "frozen feces" and had no idea how it even happened! H helped me out and the taxi driver and other bystanders got a good laugh. Lucky for me, I'm still new enough to this place that I was able to laugh as well. But unfortunately we had some other stops to make before heading back that afternoon, so for several hours I walked around with my bottom half wet, cold, and dirty. Yuck!

Would someone please cue Daniel Powter's song "Bad Day" now?!

Fashion Police

So I haven't been here that long. Not even a full week, when I think about it. But yesterday at the coffeeshop I saw this girl wearing a skirt over her khakis and thought it looked cute.

This morning, I put on a skirt that falls at my calves and...jeans. I looked in the mirror and thought, "Should I really think this is cute, just 6 days after my arrival into this country?" I asked H and she said she didn't even think twice about it. Hmmm.

I'm thinking I should write "InStyle" magazine and see what they say.

Winter

“In the winter it was easier for me to believe in God…” Donald Miller

It’s definitely winter here in CA. Last night, as we walked the slushy street trying to find a taxi home, the snow fell like feathers from the sky. The beauty of the night was in contention with my cold feet and heavy bag, but I’m positive that the glory of creation won out in the end.

After a few minutes’ walk, we were able to hail a taxi. Before reaching home, H & I stopped to pick up some kebabs for dinner. (Nothing like eating food from a street vendor to initiate your stomach to a new location.:) And as we waited for the meat to cook, the taxi driver and I conversed. We discussed the weather (it’s going to be cold and wet this year), how we heat our house (both in agreement that wood is the best), where I’m from (his guess was Germany—as is most people’s—I just like to remain a mystery), and the best location to buy kebabs (obviously the one we were at, since he had just purchased some there himself).

We arrived home 10 minutes later (after H had fully submerged her feet in a huge puddle of slush—ugggh!), to find that our hosts had not yet eaten. We ended up sharing our kebabs and they shared their re-heated soup and it wasn’t long before our stomachs were full and our bodies were warm. I even felt adventurous enough to take a bucket bath before bed, so I’m finally a little cleaner!

This morning it looked as though another foot of snow fell over night but right now the sky seems to be clearing. We still aren’t leaving Ktown today, as the radio tower “issue” has yet to be fixed. (Some are saying we may not leave for a week while others are saying December 31st!) So I find myself sitting here in the stillness of my room, looking out over the city street—with layers of glistening snow clinging to the otherwise bare limbs of the tree tops…smoke billows from the chimneys…men are shoveling their roofs…children, bundled in layers of clothes, excitedly walking to who knows where. I can’t help but reflect on D. Miller’s quote above. Personally, I’m not really sure that it’s any easier for me to believe in God in the winter, but right now I certainly see Him.

And right now I’m wondering if that’s not why I love winter so much? While others see winter as a time of darkness, I find it easier to see His light. And right now I'm asking that the people here will feel much the same.

Reality Bites?

Living overseas can be quite humorous at times. I'm definitely in the semi-honeymoon stage of arriving back to this land. And I say "semi" because it doesn't take long for me to remember the challenges as well. Things that, my first year here, may have seemed like fun, now are just re-adjustments back to the simple realities of life.

Realities like...

• Getting high on the gas fumes from the propane heater you use to heat your room.
• The slushy, muddy, unpaved streets that try their best to take you down if you're not careful.
• Not bathing for 5 days because (1.) it's just too darn cold (2.) the water is freezing (3.) why would you want to get undressed?
• Thinking you are going to fly out to your new home city on Sunday but receiving word 2 days later that flights are cancelled country-wide indefinitely. (The first day being because of snow....the second day being because they lost all radio contact and they have no idea when it will be fixed.)
  
• Extremely slow internet. (I'm currently wondering if I'll ever be able to download a song again.)

It's a choice here. Everyday I have a choice. I can laugh. I can cry. I can get frustrated. I can take it in stride. This is life. The choice is mine. Today I can't help but laugh.

The snow is falling hard and fast outside these coffeeshop windows. It hasn't let up for over 24 hours. It is wet and thick and beautiful. And besides the fact that our plane to the Ancient City wasn't able to leave today, I have nothing to complain about. (Except maybe for the fact that the internet has been problematic today and I can't upload pics for you all to enjoy the beauty with me.)

Snow...coffee..Christmas decorations...wood burning stoves. I'm pretty much in heaven.

The past few days here in Ktown have been full, but it's funny how I'm not quite sure how. I've visited with some old friends. Sorted through things that I had left behind and some things I will be taking with me to the west. Had a meeting at the head office. Decorated D's coffeeshop for Christmas (he's out of the country). Made dinner with some friends that included hamburgers and homemade french fries that rivaled McDonald's. And other than that, I've just pretty much been hanging out.

We're hoping that the "ceiling will lift" and our flight will actually take off tomorrow. But we'll see. It won't be long now before I reach my destination. It won't be long.

Almost There: Part 3

I arrived into Ktown yesterday afternoon. Fittingly enough, it was also the arrival of the first snow of the season. Welcome back to winter...and home.

Man, it feels good to be here. In some ways it feels like I never left. The Call to Prayer...the smell of kebabs cooking on the streets...the crazy traffic...the greetings from random children...the mountains...the reunion with old friends. It does a heart good. And even though the journey to this point has been long, it's definitely been worth the wait.

May I never forget His faithfulness or the joy I feel in this moment.

....With Jet Lag: Part 2

Uggh. It's 3:30am here and I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't sleep. I did everything "right" to fight jet lag--no naps, lots of sunlight, stayed on schedule...but it was to no avail. Now, in the middle of the night, I find myself doing a load of laundry and catching up on email. Hmmm. So much for that!

Some observations from my journey thus far:
1. Mat Kearney and Joe Purdy are perfect when traveling by subway into NYC. Perfect.

2. Emirates direct flight from NYC to this desert city is the ONLY way to go. I got on the plane in NYC and got off the plane at my semi-final destination. 12 1/2 hours...TONS of movies (and by "tons" I mean about 30 options of newer movies, 20 options in the "all-time favorites" category, and the list could go on), tv, & game options...great service...decent food....a foot rest. I'm convinced I will never be able to fly another airline again. Unless somebody sent me business or first class. :)

3. You know you are in another country when the waitress asks you if you want ice in your Pepsi. (Is there any reason you wouldn't?)

4. I love it that I am independent and adventurous enough to find my own way to the Consulate's office today. ...I hate it that I have to be.

5. There are a lot of things about this culture with which I struggle. An entire day when "ladies only" are allowed at the beach is not one of them. What's not to love about that?

6. It's crazy how one day I'm roaming the streets of Manhattan, checking out the Christmas lights in a sea of holiday tourists, and the next day I'm laying on the beach in the Persian Gulf. When you stop and think about it, it's really pretty amazing.

The Journey Begins: Part 1

What a whirlwind of a week this has been!

First there was the packing...and packing...and packing...and packing. Then, mixed in with that, were sweet times with family and friends, Thanks-mas-giving (as I packed in 2 holidays into 1 day), last minute "to-do's," Christmas decorations, packing (did I mention that?), and saying goodbye. It seemed to be a bit more stressful this time around. I haven't figured out why. I do, however, remember telling my mom to remind me that I never wanted to do this again. She happily obliged and I was sure to inform her that the "this" I was referring to was all the packing. (She knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't really mean the traveling.)


Saturday morning I said goodbye to my family (who was sweet enough to get up with me at the crack of dawn--literally--so that I could be at the airport by 5:30am!). It was hard to leave them, but I was/am also anxious to go where I've been longing to be for a long time now.

I had a 12 hour layover in NYC, giving me the wonderful pleasure of hanging out in the City with my roommie from college and her sweet husband. I loved catching up with them and roaming around the streets of Manhattan. We've all been there a ton, so we just walked and walked and talked and talked, until we'd happen upon something we wanted to see or experience. I'd never been in the City for Christmas, so I LOVED the sights of the season. What an amazing place! So alive...so many cultures...so much to take in.

Here are a few of my pics from that time. This is me...pretending to be a photographer. :)


Well, jet lag has set in and this post is just rambling, so I think I'm going to end it now. I'll write tomorrow from my new destination. 2 more days until I'm back in the land to which I've been called! Whoot!

If I had the super power gift of "Soundtrack," the song playing in the background right now would be The Fray's, "Over My Head." I'm pretty sure the title says it all.

2 days left to hang out with my family & friends on this side of the world! Whoot Whoot!

I'm a little bit sad today.

*Sad because the snow they thought was going to happen...didn't.

*Sad because I thought I was going to see my friend Jenni as she was passing through the area tonight...and I didn't.

*Sad because I tried to start a fire to enjoy while watching Grey's tonight...and it wouldn't start. (Wood was too wet.)

*Sad because I've been sick all week...and I'm still sick.

*Sad because some things are over...for good.

And the biggest reason for today's onset of sadness is this-

*I'm sad because the goodbyes have begun...and I hate goodbyes.