Imagining...

Right now I'm wishing I could get in a car and go for a drive.

By myself.

Somewhere other than here.

I'd pick up a Starbucks' Iced Caramel Macchiato on my way out of town. And as I pulled away, I'd roll down my windows and blare my music. Nobody would stare at me because I didn't have my head covered. However, they might stare because I'd be singing rather loudly to whatever came on my iPod.

I'd drive and drive until the cares of the world faded away. And then I'd stop.

I'm guessing my car would eventually lead me back to the patio on Broadway Place, where I'd gather around a fire pit with friends for the rest of the evening. Star-gazing. Talking. Laughing. Drinking. Eating. Enjoying.

Of course I know this is not my reality. But it's summer here and this is what I'm imagining. A girl can dream, ok?

So I was walking to the office this morning and I could have sworn I smelled someone brewing a fresh pot of Starbucks. I promise. Of course, I know this couldn't possibly be the case. But it got me thinking.

I bet if I were stranded in the desert, my mirage would be Starbucks coffee as opposed to a pool of water.

Frightening? Maybe.

Telling? Most definitely.

It's Saturday evening. I just finished the first day of our work week. My head is hurting and it's time to take de-worming medicine.

Some days I like living here more than others.

While the Crushing One was here, we took many a "walking tour" around town. Here's a sampling of what we saw...

On our way back from the mosque we passed by this elderly man squatting in a doorway. I wasn't going to ask, but he was too cute to resist. I went back and kindly requested his permission to take his picture and he said, "Why not?" He then asked what we were doing, walking back and forth every day. (Geesh, are we that noticeable?!) And for the record...it wasn't every day, just the two days prior.





If you were to walk down this alleyway, you'd find my house. At the end, with the blue gate. On your way, you'd walk under grape vines (on the left) and pomegranate trees (on the right). If you time it just right, the neighbors might even invite you in for tea or dinner or a birthday party of some random relative. I love this alley, for at the end, I always find refuge.


If you look to the right after you pass the blue glass shop, you'll see this street. With the blue sky peeking out from atop the mud tunnel, this is one of my favorite views in the entire city.







Last, but not least, we saw these three boys. They never let go, but one boy did look back to see what I was up to. Ahh, childhood. When the days seem to go on forever and life is really, really good.

Me and my shadow....










More to come when the sun stops shining and my shadow is gone....

Every day on my way to work I pass by two beggars. Two different men, sitting on two different street corners asking for money. Every day it’s the same. One has a bandage around his face—making me wonder if he even has a nose. The other is an elderly gentleman that quietly looks up as I walk by and meekly asks for a gift. This is their life.

Sometimes the needs in this place are overwhelming. Some days I find myself with my heart hardening because I just don’t know what else to do. Other days I’m so filled with compassion that I find myself wishing, if just for a second, I could track down some millionaire who could step in and give lavishly to these people. But the truth is, deep down I know that the needs of these people stretch far beyond the financial arena.

I remember two years ago when I was teaching at Ozark. I had asked WL to come and share on the issue of poverty and disease to my night class. Throughout our two hours together he repeatedly made one statement that stuck with me: I hate being rich.

I hate being rich.

Some of you are probably thinking that I need less support. (I’m not saying that!) But it's true…I’m rich. And every day in this place I’m reminded of it. Every day at least one person asks me for something. Give me a book…give me money…give me medicine…give me a job…give me food…etc. Some days I just want to scream, “STOP ASKING ME FOR THINGS!”

But I’m rich.

I’m rich because I’ve been educated and can read and write my own language. I’m rich because I have a roof over my head, an indoor bathroom, and running water. I’m rich because there is never NOT a time when I don’t have food in my kitchen. I’m rich because I have clean drinking water ALL the time. I’m rich because I can treat myself whenever sickness may arise. I’m rich because I am hardly ever sick to begin with. I’m rich because I have a family who loves me and supports me in this crazy work. I’m rich because I’ve got amazing people all over the world who are partnering with me to bring life to this dry land. I’m rich because I have the Word in my own language and have my own copy in hand right now. I’m rich (insert a million more reasons here)….

I’m rich and no matter how much I hate it, it’s a fact.

And so I find myself constantly on my knees, asking Dad for guidance in these matters. Asking Dad to let me see these people the way He does. Asking for compassion, instead of frustration. Patience instead of annoyance.

He’s working on me in this area. I hear Him speaking His words to me. Words like “freely you have received; freely you give.” Or “If they knew who it was they were talking to, they would ask for Living Water.” Or “And then He looked and had compassion on the crowd.”

It’s tough. It’s not in my nature. But it’s truth.

I * am * rich.

I just had to post a few pictures from my day yesterday. I seriously live with one of the cutest little boys in the world!

Today the Crushing One is coming (hopefully) for a visit. She was supposed to have come on Thursday...and then on Friday...and...well, we live in CA! So now it's the work week again and I guess we'll just have to fit "fun" in between working hours, IF she makes it today.

Randomness: Yesterday I was speaking to this lady at fellowship and she asked if I had any plans to leave on summer holiday. I told her no and her response was basically, "Good luck." I informed her that she was not very encouraging and she responded by saying, "I tried it once. Last summer. I made it to the middle of July."

Great. At least we've had a couple days break from the heat, so I'm feeling hopeful. Come August I may be thinking otherwise.

For all my scrapping friends...here's a picture of the page I did yesterday....

It's not a very good shot since I took it at night and used flash, but you get the general idea. I love creating things!

What are you working on these days?

(EDIT: I just came back to delete this picture of my scrap page. I decided against it. I don't know why, but posting this here makes me feel completely vulnerable. Why? I don't have a clue. Art can be so intensely personal at times. It's not like I wouldn't share this with you if we were hanging out. I guess it's just my choice. So this is me...sharing my art with the world!)



And last, but not least, here's another random photo from "The Loft." It's my new favorite place to be. (And yes, those are really my curtains.) :-)

Today the sky was overcast and the temps were much cooler than the balmy weather we've been experiencing as of late. I woke up almost giddy to find my room in shade instead of its usual sun-filled illumination. Cloudy days are simply perfect for a Thursday/Saturday at home. Cloudy days have this unintentional way of slowing me down. (Which is odd, when I really think about it. I tend to drink more coffee when it's cloudy/rainy so you'd think it would have the opposite affect. Hmm.)

Anyway, today was a slow day. To be quite honest, I enjoyed a whole lot of nothing-ness. Reading...writing...scrapbooking...watching Grey's and Spiderman 3. It's been lovely. Nothing too exciting, but refreshing all the same.

I think it's high time for a little musical update. :)

I know you all are dying to discover what I'm listening to these days. So your waiting is over.

Here's a little sampler of what's on my May Playlist...(By Artist and Song)
*The Last Kiss Soundtrack--OK, I can't pick one or two songs. I pretty much love the WHOLE album. What can I say? Zach Braff has great taste in music. :)

*Regina Spektor--Fidelity; Samson; On the Radio...I love her creativity and voice.

*The Weepies--The World Spins Madly On....Perfect to listen to while driving out to the village or around town. The world does spin madly on.

*Red Hot Chili Peppers--Snow (Hey Oh)...Fun, fun. This song makes me happy every time.

*The Streets--Fit But Don't You Know It ...This song is clever, but only listen to it if you don't mind a few curse words every now and then. (They're British. What do you expect?)

*Joshua Radin--Live Sessions--all of it...This guy is my new love. His music is the calm in the midst of my storm.

*Mat Kearney--Where We Gonna Go From Here...Excellent question, Mat. Excellent question. Let's start with a new album from you. How does that sound?

*Imogen Heap--Goodnight and Go...With words like, "Why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you," you can't go wrong. :)


I should probably also admit to the occasional Avril, Beyonce, Nelly, Will Smith, etc. that make it on to my list (don't judge me). You probably already assumed they were there anyway.

So what are you listening to these days? What's on the radio in the States (besides Justin Timberlake)? Anything new I should be aware of?

I just had a funny conversation with two of my male teammates after lunch. One was describing this girl as "fru-fru" and then, seeing as how I was the only female present for this conversation, he turned to me and said, "Don't worry, L. I don't think of you that way."

Hmmm. I know in his mind that was a compliment so I don't hold it against him. But he should have probably stopped there. He went on to further explain that he sees me as a "semi-psychedelic wanna-be." (H, I'll give you one guess who said this!)

A WHAT?

I had to ask for an explanation on that one.

Somehow he equates the fact that I don't take things for face value and that I'm a "thinker" and "smart" with being "semi-psychedelic."

My guess: he was digging himself into a hole, and couldn't find his way out.

No matter his point, two things came to mind from this discussion:
1. My teammates don't really know me all that well yet. --This isn't a bad thing. We only meet together once a week or so, and when we do, we are usually busy being "deep." They've yet to really see "Fun L" come out of the bag.

Plus, I've never been outside of the country with these people. I guess it's good that they think I'm "un-fru fru." But the truth is, if we ever went on break together, I think they'd be surprised. I'm girlie. I like the color pink....lip gloss...wearing cute clothes...and shopping, among other things. (I know. Those of you who know me are S*H*O*C*K*E*D.)

Which leads me to my second thought...

2. I'm different here. ---This also isn't necessarily a bad thing. I remember last summer when Kar-Kar told me that she loves the fact that I love the finer things in life, but yet I still choose to live in a place like the Ancient City. Or how one minute I can carry on a 45 minute discussion about the latest trends in head bands and the next minute you'll find me arguing my views of war and politics. This is me. Some times I think I have multiple personalities. (Think: Sybil. OK, don't. Watching that movie in Freshman Psych scared me.)

The point is, that I guess I have to change to live in this place. My dress, language, food, living conditions, independence, safety, etc.....none of it is the same. It can't be if I want to make a difference here. And you know what? That's ok. I'm learning (if ever so slowly) that those things don't define me. None of them are where I place my identity. None of these things give me value*or meaning*or purpose.

Donald Miller in "Searching for God Knows What" says this...

The circus, and I am talking about life now, really sucks. It feels like we all have these little acts, these stupid things we do that we all hang our hats on. The Fall has made monkeys of us, for crying out loud. Some of us are athletes and others of us are physicists, and some of us are good-looking and some of us are rich, and we all are running around, in a way, trying to get a bunch of people to clap for us, trying to get a bunch of people to say we are normal, we are healthy, we are good. And there is nothing wrong with being beautiful or being athletic or being smart, but those are some of the pleasures of life, not life’s redemption. –pg.175

So every now and then I need a reminder. A reminder that it doesn't matter what clothes I'm wearing. Or how far along I've come in learning this language. Or who thinks I'm funny. Or smart.

For those things? Well, they are just pleasures.

My redemption comes from Him. My identity is in Him. And you wanna know the coolest part?

Rumor has it, that HE's madly in love with me. Semi-psychedelic or not.

There's No Place Like Home

I just thought I'd write a quick post to let you all know that I've finally made it back to the Ancient City. It was quite the ordeal yesterday, as it often is in this place, but I did make it.

It's been nice to sleep in my own bed, take a long shower, open the SIX packages and TWO cards I received in the mail while I was gone, play with Little D, and prepare for a new week at work.

It's good to be back.

Low Expectations

I know I blogged earlier, but I've received word that the flight to the Ancient City is canceled for tomorrow as well. Several people have called to tell me, but I have yet to confirm it with the airlines. My guess?...It's true. I apologized to the only other female traveling on today's flight...telling her that every time I travel this happens. I don't think she was amused.

Tonight a group of us went to eat at the Turkish restaurant and then up to the InterCon hill. T, you will be sad to know that the swings are gone! YES, we were all very, very sad. In fact, we stood in silence for a few moments just staring at the empty space that once held something so dear.

The swings were one of the few places in this city where all of your troubles seemed to disappear. You could overlook the city and when timed just right, you could even catch a beautiful sunset behind the rocky edges of the mountains.

There we could let our head coverings fall off and feel the wind on our face as our hair blew freely in the breeze. The chains were so long you might have thought they reached all the way to heaven. With your eyes closed, you could even imagine that you were being pushed by God Himself.

It was a lovely place. Those swings.

Thanks for the memories, swings. You will be sadly, sadly missed.

Yesterday I was beginning to feel like I had had enough of this place. I was annoyed by the beggars, frustrated at the staring men, angry with the greedy taxi drivers, sick of the insane traffic, and impatient with anyone in between.

Honestly, there are days when I love this place and then there are days when I want to cry, scream and/or pull my hair out. On a really "good" day, there's quite possibly the combination of all 3 of those reactions running through my mind.

Today it was the combo.

I'm writing this post, not from the comforts of my own room, but the room I've been staying in for the past 2 weeks. After a very long morning waiting at the airport, they canceled my flight... for no reason!!! I tell you, there has not been a single trip that I have made in and out of this city since my return, where at least one of my flights was not canceled. Grrr.

For those of you who think I'm a saint for doing what I do, you should have seen me today. I was anything but!

I guess I should be happy that this gives me one more night to hang out with friends, but I think I'm really just ready to be "home." I'll try again tomorrow and keep you posted if it happens.

"I'm finished," she said as she took off her gloves and turned back to her desk. "For good?" I asked. "Yes," she replied. A huge sigh of relief and gratitude filled the air as this long and seemingly, drawn out, process of a root canal had come to a completion.

I felt like doing a little dance right then and there in the dentist's office. But seeing as how I could never even get her to crack a smile the entire time leading up to that point, I decided against it.

Instead I headed straight over to the airline office to book my return flight home. I went in...explained to the lady that I needed a ticket to the Ancient City...she asked when...and then without hesitation, told me that there were no seats available for tomorrow's flight. WHAT??

I kind of thought to myself that this wasn't even funny any more, but what was I to do? So I booked my flight for Wednesday which, on the plus side, means that I'll make it home just in time for the weekend. :)

What a crazy ordeal this has been! 2 weeks. 2 weeks since I left the Ancient City for a "3-4 day" trip! And to think that I was so proud of myself for not over-packing this time around!

But besides the pain and dental visits, my time here really has been a blessing. One that I wasn't planning, but one that I believe was an unexpected gift from Above.

Here are just a few highlights:
1. An afternoon that consisted of lunch at the Thai restaurant (my fave) followed by iced coffee and great conversation at K Coffeehouse with H.
2. Being silly with S. (You haven't seen half of our Photo Booth shots!)
3. Sharing music with J.
4. Movies, movies, movies (and the first season of Grey's Anatomy).
5. Sitting out by the fountain and garden of the fancy hotel at night with H and J.

I'm sure I could go on, but I think I'll leave it at that for now. My heart is encouraged and I've been refreshed just by being here. Who knew a root canal could bring such blessings?

Word of Advice: Never see a dentist that's having a bad day. It can only mean that a lot of pain will inevitably follow.

Good News: The mean dentist finished the root canal part of the process today. I have to wait a day and then she'll put the final filling in on Monday. (Hopefully I'll be back in the Ancient City on Tuesday.)

Bad News: My Beloved Cards have had a rough week. I'll give them that. If you don't know, one of their pitchers was killed in a car accident last weekend. At this exact moment, they are playing the Houston Astros and I just checked the score. I may or may not have cussed.


Feliz Cinco de Mayo...and National Scrapbooking Day! (How nerdy am I?) :)

Ramblings from an Insomniac

Another silly photo from photo booth. That little camera on my computer is way too much fun, I tell ya! Hours of entertainment.

This is the second night in a row that I can't get to sleep. It's 1am and I'm not in the least bit tired. Not good for my body clock but perfect for moon gazing (and catching friends online).

Right now the moon is shining so brightly through my window that I think I could read a book by its light. It's lovely. A few bright stars twinkle in the distance. Silence fills the cool night air. It's so peaceful. Moments like this remind me exactly why it is that I love the late hours of the evening.

Nothing much in the way of news from here. The last 2 days have been pretty low-key. Just chilling with friends...watching movies...laughing...listening to good music...reading books. Soon I'll be heading back to life as normal. I'm trying to enjoy the last remaining days of this "holiday."

Tomorrow (well, today actually) I'll be re-visiting the dentist. I'm hoping that I'm healed enough now for her to finish her work. We'll see! My teammates are threatening to open some packages I've received if I'm not back by Monday. :) It is time to get "home."

So it was interesting tonight as a group of us were sitting around talking about life in this place... how it changes us for good or bad. We were sharing how it's hard to fit in when we are back in the States, as both parties have a hard time understanding the life of the other person. Someone pointed out how even something as simple as dental work takes so much more work/thought in this place. I can't just call up the doctor and see her that day. No, I have to book a flight...get a place to stay...not know how long I'm going to be there...etc., etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. And I do have very dear and precious friends in the States that I love and connect with. It's just that sometimes these worlds are such a contrast. Often times I don't even take into account the variety of stress that I experience here. Why would I? Isn't this normal? It is for me.

This is my life. Weird, I know.

Fun Times with Photo Booth...

Remember that time when I thought I was going on a 3 day trip
and it turned out to be 3 WEEKS????

Seriously. I didn't pack for this.

I don't really feel like writing about my dental issues at the moment. All I will say is that I'm now here in Ktown until at least Sunday...maybe Monday.

I'm ok though. Just hanging out with friends. Line dancing. Watching movies. Drinking milkshakes. Life really isn't all that bad.

The Saga Continues

Scene from today...

Dentist: (Begins drilling or picking or pulling or something on the tooth) How's your tooth today?

Me: (Gauze plus two hands in mouth) umm...it's ok. It's really sensitive to pressure though. Like, I can't touch it or bite down on it or anything.

Dentist: Hmmm. OK. (Carries on drilling or picking or pulling or something.)

Me: (Flinching while mentally thinking that this pain is not real)

Dentist: Do you need anesthetic today?

Me: Well....ummm...(thinking that I can tough it out)...are you going to be working a lot on this?

Dentist: No. This won't take long at all.

Me: OK then, no.

Dentist: (Begin pushing right on the nerve)

Me: (nearly jumping out of my chair) YEAH, I need anesthetic!

Dentist: (Proceeds to work for the next HOUR and a HALF!!!)

Me: Mentally--Did she really ask me if I needed anesthetic? What kind of a question is that? You work for over an hour on my tooth and you think I don't need drugs???

And...SCENE.

*************************************************************************
So it doesn't look like things are progressing as nicely as I had hoped. The dentist said I need more time to heal before she can do the rest of the work. I have to wait until Thursday to see her again which means I may or may not be able to head back to the Ancient City on Friday.

Oh the joys of dental issues!

I guess it's also a good thing I like chocolate pudding and milkshakes. :)