Thus is the story of my life these days.
I'm trying really hard not to take Tylenol PM every night, but somewhere between 3 and 4am, my desire for sleep wins out.
Tonight it's looking like the same.
Today I booked my return ticket to the Ancient City. (Finally.) I leave a week from Sunday.
Unfortunately it's been less than 12 hours since I finalized that purchase and two things have made me question this decision...
1. Upon telling my mother of this purchase, she began to cry. (Personally, I don't think there's anything worse than making your mother cry.) I had asked previously if it was okay for me to return and she said it was. I guess the reality of it all, made her second-guess her response.
She then proceeded to reassure me that this was indeed fine, but that this is all just a lot for her to take in right now.
I knew that.
I still feel like an awful daughter.
And as if that weren't enough...
2. I received this in an email just moments ago from the family I live with:
"P.S. It has been really really cold here. The last week every night has been below 0 degrees F. We are frequently without water, frequently without power and even when
everything is working (we have been keeping at least 3 heaters going around
the clock) you still need a coat and four layers inside. Honestly life has
been very rough even in my optimistic opinion! Hopefully this will have all
gone away by the time you get here but I just wanted you to know so you
could be praying and preparing. Also if we are a bit worn out when you get
here you will know why."
I know I lived like that in Ktown, but I think I've become a bit of a pansy since. Now I find myself wondering...Is it too late to change my mind? April is sounding better to me all the time.
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6 comments:
I know this is good news for you. It will be good to get back to work, but I can't help feeling a little like your mom, the news has put me in a funk :( sorry I missed your call last night. I was already in bed.
Oh, L...
I just feel for you. So many decisions...so much "life" stuff happening...tender family issues...just know that I am praying for you.
Love you...
A
Oh, and PS...you are NOT a pansy!
Nothing about questioning will ever make you a pansy. Life there is hard, God knows, Ask Him....
Barista N
Trix--Sorry to put you in a funk. We will see each other soon.
A--I love you. The end.
Barista N--Thank you for the reminder. He is big enough. Even when things are hard.
For me, it was a strange sad movie that kept playing over and over in my mind. I can't tell you the thousands of times I've lived and relived those hours of my life.
Does that sound familiar?
It goes away...but for now... sleep. Take the Tylenol and just rest. You have a lifetime to play that movie in your head.
Everything is better when the sun comes up.
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