Grief...

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed."

~Kahlil Gabrin

Sorrow...

It comes in waves. With my head pounding, tears falling and time (seemingly) standing still, the realization hits.

My sweet grandfather is gone.

My mom and I were with him today as he took his last breath. He went quickly and peacefully, just like he would have wanted. And even though I was standing right there, I can hardly believe it's true.

He was doing so well. Talking about going to the movies. Driving his truck. Ready for a road trip down to visit his sister. When we took him in to the hospital this morning, I never would have imagined that two hours later we would be leaving without him.

Oh, how my heart hurts.

I know grandparents are special, but my grandpa was above and beyond.

And while sorrow is with me now, joy is found in my memories.

In his ability to tell a story and to make people laugh. In the fact that he took me fishing and he took me to the bar (to get a YooHoo, of course). In his magic tricks (he could pull a string through his ears) and his clown costume (Who else had a grandpa that was really a clown and would show up at birthday parties to entertain?). In his advice: "Be careful of those 'hairy legged boys' because they are trouble." Or, "Eat onions because they put hair on your chest." (Of course that inevitably always led to me reminding him that I was a GIRL and didn't want hair on my chest.) In the way he called me "LadyBug." And how he LOVED milkshakes. In how he could play those 'hand bones.' And how he loved his family. In how he loved art (especially drawing) and always encouraged me in this. In how he enjoyed fixing things (even if it was at his own pace) and, instead of shooing me away, he let me into that world by giving me a block of wood to sand or carve while out in his garage.

Man, I loved that man. So many special moments. So much to be thankful for in his life.

But as for tonight, I'm okay with just sitting here with the sorrow. There will be time to wake up joy a bit later.