Hello, Blog.
It's been awhile.
Some of you may have been wondering where I've been and when/if I was ever going to post again. Rest assured that the threatening (err...caring?) emails questioning my existence and current status have not fallen on deaf ears.
I.am.alive. (And settling back into life here in the AC.)
To be honest, I've tried writing on this thing (and in email form) on numerous occasions. I'd type a line or two and on a really good day, I'd even get so far as a few paragraphs.
But then I'd hit delete.
And delete.
And delete.
Until there was nothing left of said blog post or email.
My silence has come in part, because there's a lot that's been going on that I'm not allowed to communicate. And in part, because I've been struggling. Struggling with that deep down-meaning of life-is this worth it-what is this all about-what will be thrown at me tomorrow--kind of stuff.
Now, I don't know about you, but I personally don't like to struggle. I like to be the happy-carefree-dance like no one is watching (or is watching, and everyone thinks you're a superstar)-Strawberry Blonde.
If I'm being honest, I haven't felt much like her lately.
And not that I have to. But I want to.
I want to laugh...and smile...and be joyous...and less burdened.
2008 and I kind of got off on the wrong foot and lately I've been thinking about asking for a do over. Did you ever get those as a kid? Like, for example (and I'm just throwing out a hypothetical--not that this was me or anyone I know), but you're in your backyard having a mock cheerleading competition when suddenly, you forget the clap or turn that comes in the middle of your big breakthrough finale. You freak for a moment inside your mind, and then, upon collecting yourself, you ask for a "Do Over."
That's what I'm talking about. (You probably have no idea.)
So maybe 2008 didn't get the memo about this being the "Year of HOPE?"
(Or maybe it did, and this is all just a really big test to see if I meant it or not?)
Either way, I'm hanging on. Taking each day as it comes.
Who knows?
Today could be the day when my 'do over' actually begins.
And they all said...'Let it be so.'
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4 comments:
Laurie- im glad you are ok, I too was worried about you....hang in there, this is the year of hope and you have someone on your side that wants you to feel that hope....take care of yourself LMCD...Hugs!!!
Jesse
Laurie,
Are you sure you're writing about your life--'cause it sounds very much like my own right now! When I read this post, it really resonated with me.
As I have struggled through the last several months, I've had a picture in my head of me clinging to a Rock in a raging storm, with rain and wind thrashing me relentlessly. In this picture, I'm holding on with all my might, but there are times when the storm is just too much and I REALLY want to let go. I don't think I can hold on for even one more second. Always at those times, there is something (or Someone) that comes under me and holds me up or shields me momentarily from the storm. The "rest" doesn't last long; it's just for a short time. The storm doesn't stop, but at least I have a ledge on which to rest my feet for awhile, while I regain enough strength to hold on by myself again. The storm continues, and somehow through it all, I gain strength and I learn to persevere.
I'm sorry you're struggling right now, Laurie. That is really, really hard. Maybe my picture will help you to keep holding on. I certainly hope it encourages you at least in some small way. If I were an artist, I'd draw the picture and send it to you--but I think your imagination might paint a better picture!
Keep on!
Love,
Kimberly
Friend,
Thanks for sharing. Miss you.
love ya, Amy
I'm thinking of a little strawberry blonde headed cheerleader right now...that is a crack up.
For me, it would be singing at the top of my lungs some passionate song from Annie...forgetting the words...and asking to start over.
Each time that sun comes up it's a do-over, sister. Keep truckin.
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